This site is about my life in the art studio. It includes drawings, paintings, knitting and cross stitch and fun art techniques. I will also include recipes and yoga and book reviews. This is a lifestyle blog with intentional and simple living ideas.
I never wrote a poem this way. I liked it. It gave me a nostalgic feeling, a longing to return to that time, it brought tears in me, that I’ll never have that touch again. The tears are about the loss, grief of my mom’s passing, but it’s also a longing of wanting to have affection again.
Page 97. “…The real practice is to nourish a sense of safety and begin to send signals to your subconscious that you are good enough and worthy of being heard and seen and accepted.”
Have you ever been exhausted that your eyes feel separate from your head? This week has been the hardest to get through. I just couldn’t get enough sleep.
Having rheumatoid arthritis and edema causes me to have intense chronic fatigue. Not to mention the brain fog.
Everyday I imagined myself in my studio painting, but my head found the pillow instead.
This evening I took a hot shower, did some evening yoga and painted a little while talking to a friend who just had surgery the other day.
I only painted the first layer. My legs were getting swollen and starting to hurt. I really wish the inflammation would stop and my legs would be thin and never swell again!
Right now I’m going to stitch a few rows of a headband I’m making and will put on Etsy when I get it finished.
I have been posting about about The Creative Cure, book by Jacob Nordby.
This chapter is about creating your story.
I looked ahead in the chapter, there’s a lot of writing assignments.
I’m thinking this chapter will be broken down into mini posts.
So far it’s about storytelling and how we say things to ourselves. Page 86 “unconscious stories are the ones formed in part by the forces of socialization, rejection, and traumatic experiences.”
Page 90 he writes about rejection is part of the enemies of creativity. But it is also tied to perfection.
This statement resonates with me: “… perfectionism is like a creative poison so many of us willingly drink, without realizing that it’s paralyzing our ability to move toward our dreams and joy. We all carry the fear of rejection.” Page 92
Next post he explains about how a particular tool can help to overcome rejection…
In the meantime
Today was much too hot and humid. I found out a person I know is going through more life threatening issues. It makes me sad. She single and has to go through so many adjustments with her physical health, it saddens me. People forget single people are everything, bankers, shoppers, cooks, cleaners and their own nurse etc… I relate to this as I’m single and many don’t ever think about the challenges I face with my physical health. They just assume since I woke up, I’m fine. Not the case when health scares happen. I pray my friend gets a miracle and finds strength in her situation.
That was on my mind today. I took a nap, made dinner and cross stitched.
This past week I was unable to find time and energy to read The Creative Cure by Jacob Nordby. I didn’t even attempt it one little bit.
It was an emotional week knowing someone I respected and absolutely adored died from a long battle of cancer. My heart will break forever.
Sleeping was barely there, basically the death of this person brought me back to being 24 years old when my mom died. Her son is in his 20’s and what he has to do made my memories vivid.
After I saw two clients this morning, I went to the craft store. I tossed in many bottles of acrylic paint, canvases and paint brushes. I am set for awhile. I also bought a stand for all my painting supplies.
My studio is now organized, a little better. Not exactly what I want but definitely able to sit at the table without feeling I’m in a tight space.
Watercolor paint was calling me. But I knew I couldn’t do anything with detail. My brain is emotional my heart is emotional and I’m so exhausted my eyes hurt.
Doodle painting! That’s mindless but mindful for what I need.
Here’s the result:
Supplies Needed:
Watercolor paint
Brushes
Water
Towels
Paper/journal
Gel pens
First use the watercolor paints and paint any shape with multiple colors on the paper.
Then take the gel pens and doodle on top of your doodle painting. Use multiple colors of gel pens if you desire. (I used only a black gel pen for my doodle)
Some close-ups
I feel relaxed. Maybe I’ll do another one before I go to bed. I’m going to try to cross stitch for the rest of the day. It’s a Hulu or Netflix night with my legs up on the ottoman.
Even my cats and dogs want to take a nap now.
I’ll be back to blog more about the book I’m reading.
The last part of chapter 4 of The Creative Cure, by Jacob Nordby, is more about intuition but he added exercises to connect with emotions.
He writes on page 67, “Cultivating your intuition is a lifelong process best approached with curiosity, imagination, and even playfulness.”
He writes more about traumatic experiences and how it can close off our joy. page 73, “healing from trauma is also healing the connection to your inner creative self, which often involves giving your feelings expression in the outer world.”
He explains unhealed trauma and the diagnosis that are connected to it, such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction etc.
exercise
page 77, he has a practice exercise about making big decisions.
write one sentence or a word that describes the issue: Do I leave my career and find something less stressful to do?
where do I feel this in my body: my head and chest
pretend I am looking at a picture and relax my eyes, allowing things to get fuzzy: think about What would bring me joy in this situation?
Daydream…then at the end say aloud :”Let it be so.”
next exercise
pg 81, Relax body for a few minutes and ask How am I feeling right now?
write one word that describes how you are feeling: Numb
where do you feel this emotion in your body? chest,
give the emotion a color or shape, temperature, texture- color: light gray, shape: blob, temperature luke warm, texture-smooth
write mental story about these emotions:
If you read my previous post, a person I know, died from a long battle with cancer. I couldn’t stop crying, I drove home crying, I sat on my sofa crying. I went to bed sad and my physical pain increased. I had a hard time talking to the family member, because I was hurt. I was hurt by the feelings he is going through, as I lived them when I was his age. Everything returned to me. To watch someone die of cancer, or any illness, it a trauma. But to be at the side of someone’s bed and watch them die and see them hemorrhage is a trauma that will never be forgotten. I am numbed by so many health issues of people around me. I tend to be alone when I hear “bad” news, I never have anyone to talk to me about it as it is happening, I have to wake up alone with it. And go on with my day as if I didn’t hear about anything traumatic. I am always alone dealing with emotional issues. I am tired and need to escape away from work and death and illness. It’s taking away my creativity.
Both images on this post is in my shop on etsy: 4pawsartstudio
I have been reading The Creative Cure by Jacob Nordby. It has been an interesting to go through this book and examine what’s lodged inside of me.
This chapter is about trusting your intuition. Page 63 “The problem is that most of us weren’t taught the skill of listening to and following our intuition, as we live in a society that’s imbued with a logic-based cultural bias.”
Page 64 “I can’t imagine returning to a time when I shut down the guidance of that interior voice.” “When we shut down or ignore our intuition, as so many of us have been trained to do, it’s no surprise that the element of joy in our life suffers.”
This is compelling, as I feel my joy has been cemented inside of me, can’t escape from the past traumas I have witnessed, experienced and heard. Life has been too traumatic for me.
He writes further about if you are lost to feel your intuition that reconnecting to it will feel awkward. And to distinguish between intuitive feeling and wishful thinking will become difficult. Old habits, fears and biases may dominate your thinking.
There are exercises in this chapter: Blind contour drawing, dream log, intuitive painting.
I will share about the exercises in the next post about chapter 4….
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