I am feeling sad and frustrated at friends. I have no friends. There I said it. I wonder if I ever had any friends or anyone who even cared about me. I recently contacted a few people and none of them asked me how I have been or what I have been doing. It has been a while since I talked with them.

I don’t talk to a college friend anymore, because she showed no interest in caring about what I was going through. But I always had to care what she was going through.

And I don’t talk or write to my friend from over-seas, because well she simply stopped communicating with me. I won’t be sending her anymore letters or emails, but silent treatment means no thank you.

What did I do wrong? I feel like the pattern is that everyone leaves me. They silently leave, kicking dust up as they go not caring to reach back out. They make it seem like I am a dumb, miserable person to be around. They make it seem like it is my fault.

IT IS NOT MY FAULT!

Life is lonely. I spent most of my life by myself. I learned to like the silence, I learned to keep myself balanced with no friends.

I don’t even have a boyfriend, never did. There I said it. Men have been mean, played mind games with me, were rude and disrespectful towards me and honestly I don’t like the cat and mouse game. Never really been interested in dating, or getting married. I think marriage is a business transaction and I refuse to be owned by that transaction. Plus I have heard nothing but complaints about relationships and marriage, that it really is a waste of time and energy on this earth to be so concerned about that.

I found a way to live a life without being asked to events or dinner. Dinner would be hard for people to deal with because I have a gluten intolerance and dairy intolerance. So it would inconvenience them, forget about how it has affected me.

Oh I am so mad. How can people be so rude!? How can they dump me like trash and not show any care? I want to scream and yell at these so called friends.

If you have friends, be nice to them. If you have not talked to a friend in awhile, call them. If you know someone who is single living alone, reach out to them. If you get a text from a friend, as how they are.

Caroline